Confessions
by Theresa Maxwell
Summary: *Complete* 1+2+1 This is a really sappy one. Starts with a letter, followed by chain reactions, ending in something tentative, new, and sweet. Highly unoriginal. Expect OOCness!
1. The Letter

Note: The last day of school. I can't believe it! Something I came up with after the last exam so um don't ask. 1+2/2+1 as usual, I don't own Gundam Wing. Please read and review!  
  
Confessions  
  
Heero,  
  
No more running away nowhere left to hide. Every time your intense gaze falls upon me, I feel terrified that you might find out, or you might know even now. I cause myself the greatest pain. How could I not when I deny myself the certainty? I know you love her, just by the way you look at her with those incredible eyes, but part of me wondered if you ever could feel the same way for me… It's like a shadow of doubt that can't be erased. I wish you would look at me the way you look at her. I can see it in your eyes; I can see the way she looks at you, too. She loves you—so much. Why can't you both see that? How could anyone not love you? While you sacrifice for complete strangers, only you can't see it. You are such an amazing person. Did you know that? A better one than I'll ever be.  
  
Maybe if I tell you, and you tell me the harsh truth, maybe then I'll believe it, erase the last shadow. I wanted to tell you, but at the same time I was beyond paralyzed. The thought of possibilities made you seem so close yet so far. I just couldn't reach out far enough. You made me more afraid than anything.  
  
You play the part of the hero that always saves the girl, and the role fits you perfectly. You're that lost, little boy, and she is the one that helps you find your way. Then shall I play the part of the best friend that helps you find one another? You both are extraordinarily lucky to have found the one that you love more than anything in the world. I suppose I could be considered lucky, too; only you don't love me back. Still all I have ever wanted was for you to finally be happy, and now I must finish the job. But you should know that it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. That's how much I feel for you.  
  
There were times when I could swear I could see something in those eyes. But it was probably for her, right? Those times when I saw that faint smile tugging at the corner of mouth? Even if it was because of something stupid I did, it probably just reminded you of her, perfect, little her. Yes, the perfect girl for the perfect soldier, a match crafted by the seraphs.  
  
The reason for this confession is that I just wanted to say thanks… I hope you both will always be happy. I even surprise myself when I really mean it. You have given me everything I have. You even saved my life so many times without even knowing it. You are the reason I would live and die for. In my own, little world, you are everything. Somehow, in your own quiet way, you became the greatest friend I will ever know.  
  
You cracked my perfect mask, my disguise I hide behind, and shook my impeccable control. I never knew how much someone could feel until I fell for you. Did you know how much it killed me when I thought you died? How lost I felt without you? And just when I thought it was over, something reminded me—and I fell for you all over again. Yet through your mock death, you affected me still, our memories lived on. However something inside told me you were still alive. In every battle, I fought for you; it's you that have made me stronger in so many ways. The faith I have in my God never came in question because even if God died, I know I would never be alone. You make me realize the kind of person I want to become, the person that I will be, no not that street rat, not the soldier, just me. You believed in me when no one else did, and that gave me my courage.  
  
I hope you don't mind me keeping a small part of you in my memories; I vow to treasure it always. You have given me more than I can imagine, more than most get. And I tried to give you everything I had. It's not much, but it will always be yours. I hope you will take care of my heart as well. You never stole it because it was always yours, before I knew you. I will not be sorry to let you go without a fight if she's the one that holds the key to your heart and your happiness. You do have a heart. I know it because I have seen it. No, I haven't lost you. After all, how could you loose something that was never yours?  
  
  
  
Ai shiteru, zutto,  
  
Duo  
  
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You made it all the way through! I hope you guys liked it. Tell me if I should keep it as a one shot or just a beginning of a two-part fic. Please give me a review with your thoughts. Adieu! 


	2. Unexpected

Note: Hi people. It still hasn't hit me that school is over… pathetic ne? Anyway I hope you guys like my ending. I suck at them, but I try really hard. As usual 1+2/2+1, I don't own Gundam Wing. Please read and review!  
  
Confessions  
  
With a trembling hand, the loose grasp on the flimsy sheet released the letter in dumfounded daze, letting it flutter gently to the carpeted floor. Heero Yuy sat in stunned silence by his comrade's bittersweet confession. 'I never knew… He loves me? Duo loves me? How could this be…? No one loves me, and no one should love me. Emotions are vulnerabilities that should not exist in a war if one expects to win. Duo is—he's my friend, my best friend. He has always been there when I needed him in a battle or if I just had a rough day. He of all people should understand me. Why then must he go and tell me he loves a cold-blooded killer? Duo should know, of all people, what I think of feelings… All those things he has said, I cannot bring myself to believe in its truth.'  
  
The so-called perfect soldier was in a state of turmoil and confusion. He could not understand what he had read. 'He expects me to understand these things? Who is she? Relena…' Suddenly, Heero understood what had prompted such a blatant confession from the braided baka. Relena had found them yet again. No matter where they ran there was no place secluded enough to escape her attempts to contact him. He had finally relented to her request and held a conference. A flash of a thick, rope- like braid was noticed out of the corner of his eye. He remembered suddenly looking straight into knowing, blue-violet eyes. Those amethyst pools that were masked by false pretenses stared straight into the void were a soul would be. They were unshielded, no longer was his façade of happiness seen. For a moment, the stoic pilot caught a glimpse of sadness shining in Duo's eyes, acceptance as well as determination.  
  
'He thinks I love her… I can't love her, and I can't love anyone. I am incapable of feeling such things. //You have emotions. Stop denying their existence because not only are they killing you inside but also the ones you feel them for.// Shut up! //You can't silence me anymore, Heero. Someone has brought me back, and I know part of you wants it, too.// Dame da. //No, you do love. But you will have to figure out who it is you do.//'  
  
Curious eyes sought for the soldier inside the room. "Heero?" a tentative voice called out in question, hoping for a reply from the quiet man. Cobalt colored orbs spotted the object of their desire, lighting up slightly at the familiar sight, but there was something wrong. "Daijobu?"  
  
Heero remained deathly silent, ignoring the distraction. Duo frowned slightly and maneuvered toward the single bed that he sat on. A slender hand reached out to touch one shoulder in comfort and question. The boy was not ready for the sudden and painful retaliation that followed. In a violent motion, Heero angrily twisted the wrist at a sharp angle. Lethal fury burned in his Prussian blue eyes. Slamming a fist into the braided youth's chin, he jumped up and stormed out the door.  
  
Enormous violet eyes started in shock after the normally indifferent Japanese soldier. "What was that for?" he gaped incredulously. He rubbed his sore jaw profusely, trying to relieve the intense throbbing, hoping there was no fracture due to the impact. The forgotten, heartfelt letter he had so lovingly composed came in contact with his palm. "Oh my God…" he realized abruptly. "He wasn't suppose to see it. God knows how he would react, how he did react!" 'What am I going to do now? I may have lost him as my friend as well. I am so stupid!'  
  
Heero had no idea where he was headed, but he knew he had to get away and analyze what had occurred moments earlier. '//Duo…//' His inner voice began for him. 'What? //I'm sorry for hurting you earlier…// It continued, ignoring the soldier's futile protests. //Come on, Heero. It'll help you both. Trust me. You did before so do it again.//'  
  
Knowing he had lost the battle before it had even begun, Heero acquiesced to the inner voice that had guided him before. 'You wish for me to compose the same type of letter to Duo. //You and me both.//' The young terrorist slipped into the immense library on the busy street. With no library card nor a need for one, he hacked into the scant security the library posed easily and began his immaculate typing.  
  
Duo,  
  
Your bold confession has done something to me that I have not felt since I had first met you. It shocked me. I never knew. You of all people know me the best, better than I even know myself. It is only one of your many talents. How could you call me an amazing person? That you could never be a better one? I am nothing but an asset to win this war for the colonies and a cold-blooded assassin that was trained to be a perfect soldier. The requirements do not include and specifically state the liability emotions present. How could someone like you ever love a soldier like me?  
  
You are the amazing person, and somehow you have become my best friend. I have never experienced friendship until you persisted unrelentingly for mine. It's a unique feeling no doubt about that, however not at all unpleasant. Now here I contemplate the special effect that you have caused me. I have always feared such a reaction, but here I am, still completing missions with success. I find that it may even be better than my old life when I cared for no one. Yes, I both admit to you and myself that I do on some level care for you.  
  
Even as I write this, I don't understand how I feel. A voice somewhere inside me told me to grant you this much. You should know I am no hero. If I was, I don't feel like I am. We are soldiers, Duo, and soldiers do as they are commanded. We rampage, kill, and destroy in hopes of creating peace. The irony is almost laughable. However, I will do whatever is necessary to achieve the purpose of my mission, as do you. I only "save the girl" because she is essential to reach the goal.  
  
Believe in my word when I say I understand your fear of admitting your love. I have denied the existence of my emotions. I do care. I even surprise myself when I really mean it. When I entered the operation, I was convinced that the only way to do things right is to do it myself. You have proved me wrong by always being there when I needed you the most. You have given me hope on mankind. I know now that there is true good in the world. I can see it plainly shining in your eyes with every selfless act you commit.  
  
I admire you, Duo, for everything you can do. Not only are you the talented soldier, you are also the happy friend that can always be counted on to cheer another person up; I can see that having such strong emotions has not disabled your performance in any way. Maybe it has even enhanced it.  
  
I have never questioned my orders until I met you. Such destructive power should not be used so carelessly. I even find myself almost denying missions because I question the justice in completing them. The consequences may not be mine to face, but the civilians caught up in the horrors of war don't deserve to suffer them. A long buried memory of a little girl and her puppy resurfaced.  
  
I find myself thinking of you more often than I would care to admit. The reason for such brash honesty is simple. I accepted a mission from myself to be completely truthful. You should know how seriously I take any mission, and I will carry this one out. I remember every interaction I have shared with every person, but the ones involving you always seem to leave the strongest impression. If it were true that emotions have not weakened you, how many other times have the scientists been wrong?  
  
Granted, I have seen the ponderous pain you have had to endure, weighing down your mask, making it harder to pretend. With every action there will be strings attached. You can only decide if it is worth it and hope you have made the correct decision. Sometimes when you hurt, it seemed like I was hurting besides you. When you gave a real smile, not those false ones, I felt myself in a little of a better mood. I'm sorry for not being experienced in these matters, but is this what friendship is supposed to be like?  
  
You believe I love Relena, don't you? I don't love her. I couldn't love her. The reason is just beyond my grasp, yet I'm almost afraid to reach for it. I don't even know what love is. I don't understand, Duo. I don't understand so many things. I think I'm afraid—of what I might find. The thought of slipping off my icy exterior strikes fear of what I may see. Whenever you get too close, I push you away. The strange thing is only you can manage to get so close.  
  
What is this strange feeling? I hold grudging respect for you, admire the person you are, and your opinion of me suddenly matters more than anything. I want you to be happy and get everything you have ever wanted. You taught me how to enjoy life through your persistence. You give me hope for the future and showed me everything that was worth living for. You give yourself up so freely to those around you, expecting nothing in return for touching their lives. I don't think I was ever alive before I met you, never knowing the pleasure of the smaller things in life, things as simple as interaction. I never knew…  
  
I never realized how much I had missed. I do now. I never realized how much a friend could make a difference. You have made the difference in my existence. I never knew how much I needed you… Is this friendship or is it something more? When I said I didn't trust you, was it really you or did I not trust myself around you? No, I don't love Relena. If this is love, then I think I love you.  
  
A so called perfect soldier,  
  
Heero  
  
In a somewhat giddy mood, the Japanese youth watched the dark ink rolled over the white paper in formation of words. The realization of a new possibility thrilled him in a way no words could capture. He had to get home to Duo, the one that gave him a glimpse of what life was truly like. Rushing to the safehouse, he viewed everything in a different aspect.  
  
Prussian blue orbs met a heartbreaking sight of the braided baka hunched in quiet pain. A pain he had probably caused for the angelic boy. "Duo," in a raspy voice, he called out to the pilot. "I-I want you to hear something."  
  
For the first time since they had met, Heero had sounded so unsure, almost afraid. However, he could not bring himself to overcome his own fear. He couldn't face the man that had held the greatest power over him. Instead, he ignored the pleading voice and sat in silence, waiting for the delivery of the speech.  
  
With uncertainty lacing his voice, Heero shakily recited the words that he had poured forth from his heart. Duo's eyes widened at each tentative syllable he heard from the perfect soldier. "If this is love, then I love you," Heero finished. "Duo…" he whispered hoarsely. "Look at me, please."  
  
In an impulsive movement, Duo turned out his eyes glassy with tears, "Say it," he commanded, not quite willing to believe what he heard.  
  
Heero stared at him for a second, not understanding what he braided boy wanted. "I need you, Duo. You have done so much, and I can't believe I didn't realize it. I-I love you—so much. I've never felt this way before. I never thought anyone could. You made me human, and I've never been so afraid. I love you," earnest eyes never left the impish face.  
  
"You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that…" Duo's amethyst gaze locked with dark azure. "I love you, too," he wrapped his arms around the surprised soldier in a passionate embrace.  
  
Recovering from initial shock, Heero returned the encirclement with hesitation but with the same fervor. "You were the one that made me want to smile, to show my emotions," he murmured the confession.  
  
A tentative smile curved on rose colored lips, using unfamiliar muscles, for the first time in years. Duo drew away in time to drink in the amazing sight. "I've always wanted to know what it looked like…" he stared mesmerized. "It lights up the room ne?"  
  
A soft chuckle resonated from his throat. Duo couldn't help but return the smile only to have it fade in the seriousness of the situation. The two young soldiers, friends, and companions lost and found themselves again within each other. Trembling lips brushed against one another tenderly, crackles of electricity surprising both of the boys. In a clumsy, first attempt came the ultimate sweetness. 'I have found one moment of peace in this chaotic war.'  
  
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Replies to reviews.  
  
Oshy_anna- Aww I feel like a good writer! Thanks so much for the review, hun! I hope you like my depiction of the whole thing. I suck at endings. ^^;  
  
Mischievous Sprite- That's such a nice compliment to get! Thanks so much for reading this and giving a great review! As you can see, I have taken people's advice and wrote a second part!  
  
Forever 1x2- Awesome pen name first of all! Hehe, they are my favorite pairing! Thank you so much for a sweet review! I tired really hard on this, so I hope you like it! Keep on reading, not just my stuff either.  
  
Valandra- Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate feedback! Yeah I know what you mean. I'm always hopeful, well most of the time…  
  
Ellie- Oh kool what a kawaii email addy! Thanks a lot for a great review! Those can get very addicting you know… I'm sure your ideas are great, too. Don't be hesitant to pitch them to me! Those things were so nice of you to say.  
  
Kajeth- Oh my gosh, thanks for reading and reviewing the first part of my fic! Thanks for giving me encouragement. Darn… no one will let me be lazy anymore… yeah I know with the whole 1+2/2+1 thing, but that's what the question mark was for! I'm ok… I hope you continue to read my stuff!  
  
QingyWing- Ahh! Yay! My first review! Yeah I know that the only reason you bothered to read this is because you're my friend. Still I really appreciate it! Who knows? I might write some Sailor Moon for you! Of course, you'll have to give me tips… Thanks hun!  
  
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Thanks everyone who reviewed! Feedback is always worshipped! Please give me a review guys. I hope I'll see you reading another one of my lil ficcies! I can't believe I actually finished something… Well g2g ja ne! 


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